The Chamber of Commerce
As guests step inside of this stately, classical revival government building, they will be whisked away on the exciting journey of…the town’s founding and history. A greeter introduces guests to the chamber as they enter the main tourism center for the town. In the center of the room is a scale model of the town in its entirety, with interpretive displays showcasing artifacts from the town’s history, including boards from the first torched windmill, a malfunctioning GPS that was found in the outskirts of the forest, the broken forklift arm that crushed Clara Dunkinkle, the door from the original haunted outhouse, farming equipment from the plantation house that is now Bubba’s Garden Restaurant, the original banjo of Banjo Buffalo, and other historical oddities. In one corner of the center is a souvenir stand selling tourist memorabilia and copies of Mary Rawlins’ book.
Venturing into the Banjo Buffalo Memorial Meeting
Hall Theater, guests can enjoy a short film on Howling Hollow titled Howling
Hollow: A Beast of a Community with Monstrous Character. The short film,
hand-taped and edited by the mayor’s daughter, explores the people of Howling
Hollow and how they make this town so unique. The film is structured into five
segments, which are scripted below:
1.
Wiley Characters:
(Fade in on piece of cardboard. Titles are scribbled on it.)
TEXT (on cardboard): Howling Hollow: A Beast of a Community with Monstrous
Character. Part 1 – Wiley Characters
(From behind the cardboard, the mayor’s daughter appears. She holds a
microphone.)
Mayor’s Daughter: I’m the mayor’s daughter, and I want to show all of
you folks around town. We have a lot of wonderful people here in Howling Hollow,
so let’s meet some of them!
(Daughter runs off and finds Connie Craft, who is opening her shop for the
day.)
Mayor’s Daughter: This is Connie. She’s really weird and sells a lot of
strange stuff. She also says some nonsense about the what-you-call-it? Theory
of corny kettles?
Connie Craft: Please, it’s the Theory of Cosmic Kinesis. It’s about how
the movement of near-Earth objects could explain the possibility of other
universes outside of our own.
Mayor’s Daughter: Really? I thought that other universities were out of
state.
Connie Craft: Never mind. Anyway, if you’re looking for the strange and
unusual, stop by Weird Wares Pawn Shop, located in the heart of Howling Hollow.
(Mayor’s daughter encounters Whiskey Joe.)
Mayor’s Daughter: Oh! If it isn’t Whiskey Joe!
Whiskey Joe: That’s me. You got some questions?
Mayor’s Daughter: Can you tell us about our town’s founder, the
legendary, handsome, wholesome, strong, and honest Banjo Buffalo?
Whiskey Joe: Banjo Buffalo. Hmm. He’s quite the legend around here. The
town’s founder, like you said. Well, not much is known about him, but the
stories say that he built his home with his bare hands, played the banjo like
no one else, and defeated a bear in our first banjo duel. He founded the town
in 1821, but no one has since found his burial site. Some say that he’s an
urban legend, but I believe in him. His banjo is on display in the chamber of
commerce, so you can’t argue that.
Mayor’s Daughter: Agreed. Now, how do I turn off this camera?
2.
Full Moon Life: (Fade
in on piece of cardboard. Titles are scribbled on it.)
TEXT (on cardboard): Part 2 – Full Moon Life
(From behind the cardboard, a view of the main intersection appears. Townsfolk
are line-dancing by the light of the full moon. Everyone listens to some
electronic music from a portable speaker. Timmy “Howling” Phil appears on the
scene, irritated.)
Timmy “Howling” Phil: Can you please keep it down? I start work early
tomorrow!
Dirk Crumple: Or you’ll do what?
Katley Swamp: Hon, that there’s Timmy!
(Immediately, Timmy writhes as he transforms into a werewolf. The music stops
and everyone backs away from the werewolf.)
Timmy “Howling” Phil: HOWL!
(Everyone runs and screams. A fleeing person slams into the camera, causing the
screen to go black.)
3.
Eatin’ and Shoppin’: (Fade
in on piece of cardboard. Titles are scribbled on it.)
TEXT (on cardboard): Part 3 – Eatin’ and Shoppin’
(From behind the cardboard, a view of a front yard barbecue appears. Jacob “BBQ
Biggs is grilling some meat.)
Jacob “BBQ” Biggs: As the leader of the local chapter of the Quick
Animal Hunters’ Society, my friends grill up some of the finest ribs and pork
in these here parts. Today, we’ve got some grilled venison, rabbit stew,
chicken chops, and my personal favorite, Oinks ‘N Tats.
(Cut to inside of Bubba’s Garden Restaurant. Chef Draco Yula is in his chef
whites.)
Draco Yula: Some of the locals in town make note that my meats are a bit
rare, but that’s is simply a matter of preference. If that is not to your
liking, I have many other upscale options to whet your palette. I have spaghetti
pesto, Romanian salads, braised ham, and only the finest dining in town.
(Sound of screaming radiates from upstairs.)
Draco Yula: We also have a murderous ghost that haunts the second floor
of this former plantation house. No one is permitted up there for…fairly clear
reasons.
(Sound of screaming radiates from upstairs again.)
Draco Yula: Will you keep it down? I know that your death remains
unavenged and that you’re cursed to walk the Earth for all eternity, but you’re
scaring the tourists!
(Cut to outside of The Enticing and Exciting Elixirs of Edmund Éclair the
Eighth, Esquire!, where the namesake salesman is working.)
Edmund Éclair the Eighth, Esquire: You have aches? You have pain? You
have aches and pain? Anything? Well, come on down to the Enticing and Exciting
Elixirs of Edmund Éclair the Eighth, Esquire! We’ve got potions, lotions,
mixers, elixirs, waxes, washes, and anything that will cure your every ailment.
You got hairy insanity? Or string-a-ling-ling? Lingomexia? Dingbats? Doo-Dads?
I’ve got cures for all of your problems and more, guaranteed!
(Jamal Whittler walks up, looking confused)
Jamal Whittler: Uh, Edmund. Isn’t a dingbat a typographic symbol?
Edmund Éclair the Eighth, Esquire: Uh, these dingbats are different!
These are…little dots that you get on your skin!
Jamal Whittler: You mean a mole?
Mayor’s Daughter: Hold on. The battery is almost-
(Scene cuts to black.)
4.
Menace of Billy Lugosi:
(Fade in on piece of cardboard. Titles are scribbled on it.)
TEXT (on cardboard): Part 4 – Menace of Billy Lugosi
(From behind the cardboard, an angry mob is revealed. They are marching through
the woods. Sheriff Bubba Barley is with them.)
Sheriff Barley: Well, we’ve got to keep the peace around here, but that
crazy scientist Billy Lugosi decided to create another monster. We’re tracking
it down right now, but I think we’ve got it on the run.
Woman: It’s inside of the windmill villa again!
Man: I say we set that there windmill on fire…again!
(The mob cheers are Molotov cocktails rain down on the windmill. Some bushes
nearby rustle.)
Mayor’s Daughter: Wait. What was that? AHH!
(Something jumps out of the bushes. Screen cuts to black.)
5.
Banjo Culture:
(Fade in on piece of cardboard. Titles are scribbled on it.)
TEXT (on cardboard): Part 5 – Banjo Culture
(From behind the cardboard, a view of the stage inside of the repertory house
is seen. Jamal Whittler and Zella Wundre are both playing the banjo intensely.
As they lean into each other’s personal space with looks of concentration and
determination, the banjo duel becomes more and more heated. Eventually, Zella
strikes out, leaving Jamal to finish his set.)
Sharon Tumblewolf: And tonight’s winner is Jamal Whittler!
Congratulations! I am pleased to crown you as this year’s official banjo
twinger of the year! Your prize will be waiting for you at the box office and
we look forward to seeing the competition rise around town for next year! Do
you have anything that you would like to share, Jamal?
Jamal Whittler: Thank you so much. I never thought that I would be up
here during my first banjo duel when I challenged someone over the price of
bread.
(Camera fades to credits, also scribbled on cardboard.)
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